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James Brown is the funkiest man on the planet: - Discuss.

The argument is not that James Brown (JB) is the best singer in the world, or the greatest songwriter, but God dam he's funky, this cannot be denied.

Now I've long been a fan, but the other day whilst sitting in traffic in my car it struck me just how dam funky he actually is. There I was listening to my favourite radio station and the topic for discussion was something to do with an art gallery. It wasn't boring but not exactly my cup of tea either, I was listening and cant really say any more than that. Then the presenter said thank you to his guest and with no introduction at all launched into "Get On The Good Foot" by the mighty JB.

 

James offers some funk to the Lord

James Offers Some Of His Excess Funk To The Lord.

Holy Hell, it was as if the presenter had wound down my car window and started raining funky punches into my gut with little or no thought for my previous calm state of mind. Instinctively my finger hit the volume button on the radio which went from loud to "Oh so loud" and my feet commenced a funky strut back and forth across the peddles.

Both front windows were fully opened to allow my fellow drivers to share in my funky state and all those that I could see were totally infected by the funky flow from my vehicle.

Now I've seen JB play live and I've listened to his music on many occasions, I've always known that he was funky but until that moment I didn't realize just how dam funky the man was.

So where does all this funk come from, how can one man be so funky?

If you believe that God issues traits to people at birth then Australia's total lack of any funk at all can be explained by the more than generous amount that JB received. Can funk be learned, can you attend funky lessons to increase your funky quota. Perhaps. There are many funky people out there. Huggy Bear is funky, as is Edwin Starr, but they're not as funky as JB.

Is it a black thing, well no, not really. Tom Jones is dam funky and he's white. God dammit he's Welsh too but still he's funky. But alas, not as funky as JB.

 

Ooh, look at that funky topDo clothes make a man funky? Would the supply of an ill fitting gold spandex jump suit make Barry Mannilow funky, I would suggest that the answer is no my brothers and only friends. No, he'd still be a twat.

Did JB become funky as he grew, or was he born funky. "Congratulations Mr. Brown you have a healthy baby boy, Oh yeah, by the way he's dam funky too."

I wonder if JB is funky in his spare time. I don't think that a man with that much funk flowing through his funky veins can turn it off, ever. I mean he must just pour through the local mall, gliding on a funky crest wherever he goes. It must become annoying after a while I would think. Something like the Midas touch possibly. JB probably cant talk to anyone without their wanting to "get down" all the time right there and then in front of him. I know I would! Cries of "take it to the bridge" must haunt the man all through his funky day.

On that note, where is this bridge? JB refers to it a lot, is some sort of secret funky store? At one point during each song perhaps it gets too funky even for JB, at which he cries "take it to the bridge". His band members know that this is his instruction for them to gather up all the funk they can hold and remove it under controlled conditions to the security of "The Bridge". Jesus, can you imagine if there were ever to be an accident during transit.

"We interrupt this broadcast to report that several lead containers holding JB's excess funk have crashed on the interstate, police are advising that all persons living in a 30 mile radius remain indoors, Oh the humanity..."

It doesn't bear thinking about does it.

James in funky clothesSex? I wonder if JB is too funky in bed. What form would funky sex take, yeah I know that the Spandex jump suit would have to play a big part, hell who doesn't use that anyway. I keep mine washed and handy I can tell you. But aside from the suit what is funky sex like. Are there any clues in his songs, "Pappa's got a brand new bag" has me asking some questions indeed.

I have to admit that I'm stumped, what the hell makes James SO dam funky. Long may it last, but I'd like to know the cause, wouldn't you?

Tell me people, if you know, or think you know, tell me...


Sue, one of the Blast Off Girls, suggests that it is indeed the clothes, here argument contests the following: -

"It has to be the clothes, specifically those Sansabelt pants. Apparently, the wearing of belts inhibits the flow of funk from the pelvic/genital area to the all-important spinal column. If you wear a belt, you can neither shake your hips, nor let your backbone slip. This has been demonstrated in many studies by the American Medical Association, the World Health Organization, and the International Nudists Convention. It's a proven fact that naked people are inherently more funky than the clothed. Natural fabrics should also be shunned. If it isn't polyester, JB isn't wearing it!"
SN Says -- I'm inclined to agree, belt wearers through musical history have indeed been inhibited. "Elvis The Pelvis" would be one fine example, not much happening above the waist there. Mind you I've just taken my belt off and although a bit more funky, I'm still a long way off James. No, the belt alone don't do it, it may well be a factor but there must be more. Dam, my trousers just fell down!

Joel K, an Australian part time James Brown impersonator submitted the following: -

"
Jesus. A fellow James Brown lover (and you listen to it while driving as well!). Well hell, the reason the man was so damn funky (apart from the fact WE elected him SOUL BROTHER NUMBER ONE) and a SuperBad superhero able to stop riots with a single uuuunnnhhh! is because he was BORN funky. Of course, like any other skill, this pure god-given funkiness was refined by the fact he had perhaps the finest horn ensemble ever to grace godís green earth, fantastic fashion, great moves and pure energy. He is to music what Muhammad Ali was to boxing. And he was the HAAAAAAAARRRRDEST working man in show business, so damn funky that he could shout ďEverybody sit back and watch me workĒ in concerts and mesmerize the audience.
The man is a sex machine.
My only real theory was he was the incarnation of Funk sent by God, although later Dr. Funkenstein would travel on the Mothership Funk to earth to bring the funk (he was too late). Itís just something he has, although I must admit Joe Tex is very funky in a different way (I ainít gonna get down with no big fat woman.... uuunh!), none are as funky as JB.  Donít question it, just enjoy it. And as an Australian, I must say weíre not TOTALLY without funk. I think itís far more likely that Japan was drained of its funk to create JB.

But itís also known that JB grew up in the Gospel tradition and after a stint in prison decided to turn his life around with exciting live shows and a breathtaking debut on the Ed Sullivan show. But again, who knows what precipitated his funkiness? Perhaps someone got down with his woman (that ainít right!). I still think Isaac Hayes is JBís slightly less funky half-brother, so maybe it is a family thing.

SN Says -- I'm inclined to agree, with the above also. I too agree for instance that Issac Hayes is a dam funky man indeed, although he obviously looses some funky point for "Chocolate Salty Balls".
Again your statement regarding Japan cant be argued, I believe that they prefer the head banging that goes with heavy rock these days don't they? Not funky at all.

Some good points well made.

Bryan Kelly, offers this transcript from a CNN interview 12 Mar 97 on JB's funky self by Nil: -
Larry King: A man this funky is certainly drawing on the funk of others in the living world, but this is a very serious accusation. JB is a funk thief. We are inherently less funky because of him. I would like to say that the damage the man has done to the International Funk Bank (located in Omaha) is irreversible. To hell with the environment, we need to be concerned about the dwindling funk situation and it's effects on the next generation.

Angus Young: I disagree. I believe that funk is ephemeral and inconcrete. The IFB stores funk much like Fort Knox stores gold. But does that mean that all our dollars have gold backing them? No, certainly not. Funk, like the American dollar, is more an idea that people put immense faith in. And that faith is what gives funk power and will in turn keep funk alive and plentiful for generations to come.

Larry King: So you mean to say that my personal funkiness exists because other people think I'm funky, and not because I've been given funk at birth?

Angus Young: Yes.

Larry King: But the man's damn funkaayyy... right?

Angus Young: Shit yea.

Pamela, a reader from an unknown location, offers the following: -

"It is hard to believe that I've found a place that has pondered on the subject of funk as I have. I live in New York City and spent time in the South with my family. Funk is a state of mind and state of being that few are able to achieve. While some seek the funk, and some merely access the funk, there are the few that tap into the funk. The funk is like "the force"...it's everywhere and in everything, but in some things more than others. It's there to be drawn from by those who have the ability to tap into it. Some just got it...some just don't. Funk is the deep groove in music and deed that makes
everything feel and taste better and makes other things be JUST RIGHT. JB is so damn funky because he has a long heritage of funk that has taught him to draw from the "Great Pool of Funk". Color doesn't matter either, which is why all those nice young British boys were able to come to America and own the pop charts for so long. They tapped into the funk and tried to use it. For that they were rewarded.
Like a Jedi Knight JB is a Knight of Funk.
SN Says -- Hmm, I'm not so sure about the British boys reference but you are bang on right with the rest my funky loving friend.

James Brown - Looking dam funky indeed.

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This has been a Shagnasty Production of some dam funky value.

This page last viewed by it's creator : 31/03/2020