Penis Owners Club
50 THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR FINGERS!!
- Cross them to bring good fortune to your family, and in
times of national crises, the whole country.
- Stick them in a dripping Dyke to save Holland from flooding.
- Run them through the hair of a loved one to create a feeling of well-being
- Use as a shoe horn.
- Beat out an irritating rhythm on your desk to annoy workmates.
- Cover in orange juice and stick your fingers in the freezer, hey presto, a lollipop
on a finger.
- Point at an accident in the high street.
- Crush a wasp or a fly or an ant, but not a spider as it brings bad luck.
- Test temperature of porridge (if you are a bear).
- Offer to a friend to smell after you have fingered a trout.
- Put in end of a ketchup bottle to seal in the contents as you shake it to loosen the
tomato goodness from the walls of the bottle.
- Chop ends off and claim invalidity benefit.
- Point out nude on continental beach.
- Flick dog dirt out of horses main.
- Flick through Sears catalogue to locate the lingerie section.
- Put deep into throat to trigger spew valve.
- Smear the words "I will kill again" on to the wall following your last
- Push your piles back into position.
- Wipe away a tear whilst viewing hubby's autopsy.
- Indicate location of gas pipe.
- Scrape away at granite wall whilst incarcerated in a high security prison.
- Brush away stray dog hair from painting of a salad.
- Lick and point into the air to give impression you are a scientist investigating wind
- Put inside a glove puppet to entertain a toddler or senile relation.
- Plunge into a saucepan, then announce to the cook, "Oh, what a rich sauce".
- Apply pressure to a spot or recent cut to stem the flow of blood.
- Hook guests camel coat out of swimming pool.
- Push your glasses back on to nose to give impression of great knowledge and wisdom.
- Count contents of pay packet prior to suicide.
- Smear faeces or blood on to public-toilet wall prior to writing time and date of said
- Push Banana into deep space.
- Push dog's erection back into cover.
- Ram into pigeon's throat to recover your lost tasty peanuts.
- Cover eyes of dolphin when riding through the South Seas.
- Lock toilet doors to keep out persistent homosexuals.
- Cover a complete stranger's eyes from behind and say "guess who?".
- Twang a lady's bra strap as a kind of playful first move.
- Twang a boy's posing pouch etc etc.
- If blind, use to feel way round town centre.
- Revolve to the side of your head to indicate a member of the party has lost their
- Plunge into a Battenberg cake, thus ruining it's charm, then offer to buy it at half
- Take photo of one and use to head a newspaper column entitled "The Fickled
Finger of Fate"
- Place over end of a hose-pipe to achieve longer spray when watering distant
- Scratch eczema.
- Move peanuts away from eyes when sleeping in the grounds of a KP factory.
- Perform an initial test on a cat flap.
- Lift up fringe whilst driving to observe road signs.
- Put in ears whilst listening to Perry Como.
- Point out a busy body to a gossip columnist.
- Apply false eye-lashes to a duck.
I hope that the above has been of use to
you and you are encouraged to find additional uses for your fingers as they are not
restricted to those just described..
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