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Penis Owners Club


The following people are official Shagnasty Penis Owners Club "cool dudes." All have in some way or another fully earnt the right to be heralded as fine members of the community and behaved in a way befitting of the Shagnasty.

You are right to honor them and should you ever meet one, bow whilst in the presence of one so great.

You have my permission to mail them and grovel and scrape before them like the unworthy beasts that you no doubt are.

Normal men and women can only hope to become a fraction of what these men are, for you are indeed not worthy to walk the same ground as they.

Prepare to tremble before greatness mortal scum

They appear in no particular order!

John (AKA Filth) [Latin name = Nastyicus-Filthyicus]

Age: Fairly young.
Looks: Boyish
Favourite things: Being untidy.
Best Feature: His house, when tidy.
Worst Feature:  His house when untidy
Ambition: To not have to tidy his house
General description of Shagnasty like behavior:
This particular savage once cost me a perfectly good shag, as when left alone with a young lady, whilst I disappeared upstairs with her friend, he concluded that an acceptable amount of time had passed in general conversation and pleasantries, about ten minutes in fact. It was therefore, in his mind, time to commence the sex.
Rather than generate the right mood with fine wine, music and candles perhaps, he elected to turn towards her, dick out and ready for action, clutching a condom in his outstretched hand and announcing the words "here you are love, you can do the honors".
The rather predictable result was a fair degree of shouting and screaming followed by her hasty departure from Filth's love palace.
Closely followed by my young lady, last seen sprinting down the road in chase of her friend.

Dave (AKA Demonic Dave) [Latin = Muchus Demonicus]

Age: Pre Christ. (Has been out drinking with him but the Lord complained that he started to many fights.) 
Looks: Alarmed
Favourite things Sex, filming sex, watching sex, listening to sex oh and beer.
Best Feature: His Brain
Worst Feature: His Mind
Ambition: To become Master of the universe and all that he sees.
General description of Shagnasty like behavior:
The Dave was once spotted in and around the Hammersmith area learning the art of Bingo. He stated that this was the place to find "new prey for the bald headed butler" and intended to earn their trust by pretending to be one of them and a novice in their ways. His plan was to penetrate their secret world until such time as had been accepted as one of them, at which point he would strike, and shag the lot. Well that's was the plan anyway!
MICK (AKA Mick, sad eh!) [Latin = Mikus Arrest-u-cuss-lots]
Age: ------------- Not known, never asked and couldn't care less.
Looks: ---------- Surprisingly like a Mick, weird eh.
Favourite things: - Nonce, nonce, nonce, etc.
Best Feature: --- His wife
Worst Feature: - The rest of him.
Ambition: ------- To download the whole of his ISP's newsgroup server onto his hard disk.
General description of Shagnasty like behavior:
None at this time, generally Mick is well behaved although there are signs that a degree of depravity is beginning to set in so there is still hope. I'm sure that with the right encouragement and support he will soon become a valuable member of the dregs of society. We can only help him in any way we can. It is considered fortunate that he works with many of the worst examples of Shagnasty like behavior and will no doubt get there soon with their support.
BARRY (AKA Bazzer) [Latin = Barri no-intelleogent]
Age: ------------- Looks younger than he is. (likes to keep him self neat for the boys.)
Looks: ---------- A cross between Bart Simpson and Duke Nukem, scary huh.
Favourite things: - This information is unavailable at this time!
Best Feature: --- His hair.
Worst Feature: - His hair.
Ambition: ------- To stop having to wipe his cats arse.
General description of Shagnasty like behavior:
The Bazzer, although not proven, is thought to be responsible for a large scale con trick which started the great fish wars of the early 1800's. His ploy, it is alleged, was to pose as the master fish inspector whilst moving from pond to pond and all the time he was actually spreading lies from fish to fish. This caused a degree of unrest within the fish population as a whole and eventually fighting broke out. At first the battles were limited to just a few rival bowl's and puddles but as expected the various armies of the seven seas were sucked into the conflict resulting in the sad history we all know to well.

It only remains to be said that if indeed the Bazzer was responsible for the fishy massacre he has the death of several millions of gilled geezers on his mind which would explain a great deal if you ever met him.

IAN (AKA Tangent Man, what was I saying.) [Latin = Bellius Buddacus]
Age: ------------- Age is relative, I want to talk about quasar polar energy waves.
Looks: ---------- Appearance is an illusion, I want to talk about solar wind in relation to osmosis and the fabric of time.
Favourite things: - Anything that has an LED and comes in a cream plastic case.
Best Feature: --- His leather tobacco pouch with built in ciggy paper holder.
Worst Feature: - I would take this opportunity to explain how the .......... sorry what were we talking about?
Ambition: ------- To know everything and a bit more, and then explain it to you in detail.
General description of Shagnasty like behavior:
Right, if you take a light wave and pass it through this prism you will note that .... I once passed a shop called prism it was in Battersea near the power station, it was a Saturday I seem to recall and I was on my mates motorbike as mine was being repaired by a friend called Darren who worked in a record shop every day except Saturday which was strange as Saturday is the busy day, and this shop sold stuff to put in your attic to keep the house warm ... what was I talking about again, I seem to have gone off on a tangent.
BOB (AKA Bob pick a window your leaving.) [Latin = Hugeicus Giganticus]
Age: ------------- As old as the hills.
Looks: ---------- As big as most hills.
Favourite things: - Food, other peoples food and food.
Best Feature: --- His Tommy Steel Tattoo.
Worst Feature: - What's just underneath his tommy Steel Tattoo.
Ambition: ------- To become king of Dagenham.
General description of Shagnasty like behavior:
I once had the misfortune to go shopping with the Bob and witnessed what he did to a poor sales assistant in a computer shop. This beast of a man was becoming increasingly annoyed with the sales assistant (we shall call him boy) and his poor attempts at humour, when he suddenly grabbed him and bent him forwards over the sales counter. Once in this position he was treated to the delights of Bob's manic hips thrusting against his backside whilst singing "I don't care how late it is, I ain't going home 'til I've had my fun."

This is indeed true Shagnasty behaviour.

James (AKA Cavies brother) [Latin = Palyus Arcadicus]

Age: ------------- A young slip of a lad.
Looks: ---------- Worryingly normal actually.
Favourite things: - Motorbikes that don't have the benefit of stunning Italian styling
Best Feature: --- His Girlfriend's chest, (I can only speak for the left one though)
Worst Feature: - His Chest.
Ambition: ------- To walk through a Supermarket dressed only in his boots.
General description of Shagnasty like behaviour:
Oh dear, we have a right beauty here. James enters the world of Shagnasty like behaviour following his falling asleep whilst receiving oral sex from his young lady.
"That's not too bad" I hear you cry.
Well people, it was his first date!
I have it on reliable authority that he has done the same thing whilst giving oral also, imagine that one if you will.

The previous occupier of this space has been removed for crimes beyond even that considered to be Shagnasty
like behaviour.

Although a reprieve may be on the cards, watch this space.

Still watching..?

Right, that's it, you've got to something fairly dam groovy to get on the list, but...
Look out for others as they earn the right of inclusion.

So you think that you qualify as a Cool Dude, if so mail your details to the Shagnasty and full consideration will be given to your entry.

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This has been a Shagnasty Production of limited value to those who don't actually know the people above.

This page last viewed by it's creator : 31/03/2020